285 - "Don't Bug Me"
Open (Skip): "Today on the Electric Company, the movie star doesn't say: 'Don't bug me.'"

Discussed -- U, silent e, quotation marks

Skits
* SUN/STUN: Rita, Hattie and Judy dance ballet-style, each holding one section of a cardbord sun (each section containing letters of the word "sun"). After they announce the newly-formed word, Morgan busts in, dancing ballet-style, with a center section of the sun, having the letter "T" printed on it; he cuts in line and helps form the word "STUN." He gets clobbered for his trouble.

* The Director (promoed in the opener): The Director is frustrated with Lazlo (Jim), an arrogant actor who flubs the line, "Don't bug me, please stop!" (in a movie scene about a scientist annoyed by his assistant (Hattie)). After two blown takes and his constant sassing the Director, the Director begins breaking test tubes, lab equipment, etc. Lazlo finally says his line correctly, but it's too late: The Director swallows the contents of a test tube and chases Lazlo offstage.

* What is this man sitting in? -- Part of a segment promoting "silent e." Skip (voice): "This man (Morgan Freeman) is sitting in a tub." Morgan corrects Skip: "This man is sitting in a tube." After a few rounds of one-upmanship, Morgan reveals he is indeed sitting in an inner-tube...while sitting in the tub!

* Jennifer of the Jungle -- Rerun skit from the 1971-1972 season, where Jennifer teaches Paul the Gorilla about quotation marks.

* The Nosy Reporter -- Rerun skit from 1972-1973. Harvey (Jim) is eating dinner with his girlfriend (Rita), when he spots movie stars Reggie Bixford and Trixie Spleen (Morgan and Lee) eating at the table next to them. Harvey (remembering to put on his reporter's hat), to the chagrin of his girlfriend, decides to listen in on the conversation, write down what they say and sell it to Nosy movie magazine. Trixie: "I love you" (Harvey it writes down as: She said, "I love you."). Reggie: "I love you, too." (written as: He said, "I love you, too.") Harvey, leaning over to eavesdrop some more, tips over in his chair, taking with him the contents of his table. Reggie shouts, "You dummy!" Of course, Harvey (Rita's by now shaking her head) writes it down: He said, "You dummy!"

* Song of U -- Morgan sings a song about how he misses "U." Arranged on the stage are letters, as thus: "l_nch" "f_n" "d_ck" "l_ck" "s_n" and "c_p" (the underscores denoting where "U" eventually drops in in the second verse).

b: 31-Oct-1973 pc: 3-1

NOTE: Starting with the 1973-1974 season, each episode opened with a cast member announcing: "Today on 'The Electric Company'..." and previewing what will happen on said skit. Example: "the actor doesn't say, (don't bug me)," the words in parenthesis censored out -- so the youthful audience can try to figure out the words.
Each show also ended with a preview of the next day's show: "Tomorrow on 'The Electric Company,' Sylvia sings about (Pete's pickle)" (the appropriate words censored for the youthful audience to guess). This closing was not included in the Noggin episodes.
The end credits (played on Fridays) began with the Short Circus playing their instruments a la a rock band. They groove and walk out of view, then dissolve to scenes from past episodes. Ends with Paul the Gorilla dancing.
The corporate sponsor credits music used part of the Friday end credits music and part of the opening music bed (both slower tempo (without singing, of course)) stuck together.

---

297 - "Winner"
Open (Morgan): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' you'll see the (winner)."

Discussed -- I, "win," silent e, punctuation marks.

Skits
* Cheerleaders -- Short Circus members Bayn Johnson and June Angela, and Hattie Winston, as college cheerleaders, lead the cheer -- Bayn: "Gimmie a W," Hattie: "Gimmie a I," June: "Gimme a N," All: "What's that spell...WIN, WIN! WIN!" Football star Rex Robbins (Jim Boyd, who portrays him as the stereotypical dumb jock who's been hit one too many times) dopely asks why the word has a "short I" sound. Hattie explains that, by itself, one doesn't know how it sounds, but once it's placed in a word, then you can tell (huh?). Anyhow, Hattie (after Rex collapses in front of the cheerleaders) tells the audience to watch for words with the "short I" sound.

* "WIN"ing words -- Judy introduces several larger words starting with the letters "WIN" -- including:

-- "Window," where she closes the window on a would-be burglar (Rita).
-- "Winner" (the opening segment), Jim playing another athlete -- this time a boxer who just last night, became middleweight champion of the world. Of course, the boxer's been hit one too many times in the head, and collapses.
-- "Winter," with Gregg of the Short Circus playing a freezing park bench sitter. Annoyed at Judy's chatter, he throws a snowball; Judy ducks, and the snowball breaks the window from earlier (must have had a rock in it). Gregg beats it.
-- "Winnie," a skit, with Hattie's help, that uses Judy's TEC character name, Winnie.

* A Very Short Book -- "Chicken Little," with Luis as Chicken Little and Judy as Henny Penny. Four-page book.

* "The Adventures of Letterman" -- "All Washed Up."

* Old Soft Silent E -- Various TEC cast members introduce words with silent e in them, and their variants with the e removed. Jim plays a hick farmer named "Tim" who has the "time"; Gregg talks about how he got a "win" but can't have any "wine"; and Hattie plays a scaredy cat-type who goes "Hid," "Hide."

* Fargo North skit -- "Your desk is on fire!"

* Closing: Animated short -- "It's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!"

---

302 - "Giant"
Open (Luis): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' you'll see a great big (giant)!"

Discussed: the two sounds of G, "gl-" "un-," is/was.

Skits
* The Diner -- Morgan and June reprise their roles of disgusting cook and the hapless customer. Morgan: "Ah, my precious little duckling. Back again I see. OK, what'll it be this time?" June (for the benefit of the audience) reads the sign: "Today's special: Eggs!" And that's what she orders. Morgan grabs two eggs and, beginning to juggle them(!), asks: "How do you like your eggs?" June, clueless at first, responds, "Very, very, very much!" Morgan drops the eggs in front of June, who's disgusted again. Be sure to call the health department on the way out, June.

* Old Soft Shoe silhouettes: -- Luis and Hattie read off words ending in "g": Big, bug, dug, dog and dig.

* "Get it together" animated short.

* "Slow Reader" animated short: "Keep off the grass."

* "A Giant Visitor" -- The Short Circus is dressed in Robin Hood-style, medevial-era clothing. We open on Bayn and Melanie dancing and singing "Jelly Belly, nice and fat!" A terrified Gregg runs in to warn his fellow Short Circus mates, "The giant is coming!"
-- Others: "The giant?"
-- Gregg: "The giant!"
-- June: "What does he look like?"
-- Gregg: "Gigantic!"
The giant (Skip) enters to the familiar "Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell the bread of an Englishman!" sending our teen-age friends running for cover (behind some nearby rocks). After the line about grinding bones for bread, Stephen remarks: "Yech! That's gross!" The giant (who's not really that fearsome) agrees, and suggests the gang order a pizza, which allows the teens to bade a hasty retreat. Giant: "No anchovies!"

* Crank reviews the previous segments, reminding the audience there are two sounds to the letter "G."

* "Diamonds or Not?" -- a street vendor (Jim) tries to sell a diamond to who he thinks is an unwitting customer (Morgan). Jim lists all the virtues of said diamond: it "glimmers, glitters, glistens, gleans, glows and gleams." Morgan points out "It's got one more 'gl.'" Jim: "What's that?" Morgan: "It's 'glass.'"

* "Gl- Emotions" -- June, with the help of her Short Circus mates, reviews several emotions containing the prefix "gl":
-- "Glad" (Melanie very happy).
-- "Glum" (Stephen looking downbeat).
-- "Gleeful" (Gregg throwing confetti, blowing a party favor, wearing a birthday hat).
-- "Glamorous" (Bayn modeling a fake blonde wig).

Then, pan over to Paul the Gorilla, where June then states, "ugly." That angers Paul; June is immediately profuse in her apologies, but that doesn't stop Paul from marching over and grabbing Bayn's fake wig. He puts it atop his head. June: "OK, Paul, 'glamorous!'"

* "The Cream Pie Maniac" -- A woman (Rita) is running around frantically, screaming and dodging cream pies (whipped cream on paper plates) being hurled at her by an unknown (and off-stage) culprit. Two police officers (Skip and Morgan) arrive and immediately deduce the culprit is the Cream Pie Maniac. Morgan implores the woman to "tell us who it is." All Rita can say is, "It is, it is, it is..." before passing out.

* Animated short -- "As Is."

* Closing segment: Rita (as Millie the Helper) singing a song featuring her signature line: "HEY YOU GUYS!"

This show features a very short corporate credits roll.

---

322 - "Some"
Open (Hattie): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' you'll see Sally read this simple word -- (some)."

Discussed -- O, compound words, "stop."

Skits
* Dancing O -- Judy reads words containing the short "O" sound, to the accompaniment of bright piano music (Judy sings along; it's rather catchy). Words: Pot, mop, top, tot and stop. After the word stop, the "o" drops into Judy's hand. "Betcha kind of tired." she remarks.

* Song: "Hot Shot" by the Short Circus. Gregg (as Dwayne, his Short Circus character name) turns ordinary daily acts into a game of basketball, in apparent dreaming he's a famous basketball player. Examples (all as though he's making shots from 10-15 feet) include:

-- Throwing his nightshirt into a clothes hamper.
-- Tossing a grapefruit rind into the wastebasket.
-- Dunking an empty soda can into a litter receptacle (as he rides by on his bike).
-- At the grocery store, taking a hook shot in tossing a loaf of bread into a shopping cart.
-- Making a free throw (using an apple) into a sack at a fruit stand.

Arriving at an inner city outdoor basketball court, Dwayne gasps in excitement. In a voiceover, Morgan introduces various NBA players (all 1973-era), along with vintage footage of Walt Frazier, Dave DeBusher "...and at center, the sensational young rookie, Dwayne!" The ending (along with the chorus "The kid's a hot shot!" repeated several times) incorporates vintage NBA footage along with slo-mo of Gregg making several baskets.

* Animated short -- Slow reader: "Do not bother this giant person!"

* Sally Simple (promoed in the open) -- Offscreen, Morgan narrates this tale of Sally Simple (Judy), a woman who enjoys dressing in simple clothing, simple dietary habits and reading simple books (she reads a *very simple* Dick and Jane book). As she prepares to go to bed (and apparently end her simple day), there's a knock at the door; a telegram carrier (Luis) delivers Sally a message (apaprently, from an anonymous admirer). Sally takes a look at the message and sulks. "I'm supposed to read THAT?!" The note reads: "Someday you will meet someone handsome." Sally tears up the message, discards it and complains the words were too hard to read. But then, Morgan alerts viewers, Sally notices a familiar word -- "some." One by one, she pulls the scraps (some containing formerly compound words now seen as simple words; i.e. in this case, some/day, some/one and hand/some) out of the wastebasket and reassembles the message. She gasps in excitement when she discovers she can read the message containing the "fancy" words. Morgan (and subsequently, Judy) relate the lesson: "Sometimes, fancy-looking words can be two simple words just stuck together)." Ending: Another knock at the door, and it's Luis, who's returned (claiming to have forgotten to collect payment). Sally has him to remove his cap, sunglasses and hairpiece, to reveal Luis is that "someone handsome" that she will meet someday. Luis asks if she wants to go for a ride on his motorcycle, and Sally accepts!

* Animated short -- "Happy birthday Miss Jones, you've sure got nice bones!"

* A Very Short Book -- "Hansel and Gretel."

* Easy Reader skit. Easy visits his friend, Albert (Jim) at a junk store. Easy reads the label of a tie ("Tie Town, genuine silk"); a painting of a tiny flower in the lower right-hand corner (and the artist's name -- John Lewis George Henry Raphael III -- emblazoned across the canvass); an umbrella with old weather forecasts pasted inside ("Sunny and mild, high near 70!"); and a suit of armor with graphitti plastered on it ("King Arthur is a fink!" "Sir Lancelot loves Lady Elaine Fairchild!"). Albert urges Easy to buy, but Easy tells him to chill out: "Who's gonna want to buy all this junk?" As if on cue, a customer (Rita) comes in and, one by one (save for the umbrella), lists the items Easy had just looked at.

* The Adventures of Letterman -- "What a Dragon."

Corporate credits.

b: 15-Dec-1973 pc: 3-4

NOTE: "Hot Shot" is one of the few songs sung by all five members of the 1973-1975 version of the Short Circus (Bayn, Gregg, June, Melanie and Stephen) included in episodes airing as part of the "Noggin" rerun package. Though several members participate in duets, trios and solo efforts, this version did more comedy skits than other incarnations of the Short Circus.

---

358 - "Broccoli"
Open (Jim): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' Kelly and Buddy will sing about (broccoli)."

Discussed: br-, ai, is/was.

Skits
* Jennifer of the Jungle -- As Jennifer is straightening up, Paul the Gorilla enters and growls, "BRRRRR!" An elated Jennifer tells her beloved companion, "Did you know you just said part of a word?" This leads to an old-soft-shoe segment, where Paul and Jennifer form the words "brim," "bring," "brisk," "broom" and "brat."

* "Brown Bread" -- A customer (Jim) returns a loaf of white bread to a local baker. He explains to the clerk (Luis) that he specifically ordered "brown bread" (the words displayed conveniently nearby), telling him his body doesn't tolerate white bread. Easy fix, reasons the clerk; he gets out a can of brown paint and a paintbrush and paints the loaf of bread brown. "There, there's your loaf of (points to sign, then to bread) brown bread." While Luis' face might indicate, "Another satisfied customer," Jim looks disgusted (and so should the audience; see "Goofs and Nitpicks" section below).

* The Adventures of Letterman -- "Broken Bridge."

* "Broccoli" (promoted in the open) -- Stephen and Bayn (as their Short Circus personas, Buddy and Kelly) are sitting at the dinner table. Before them are plates, heaped with (apparently uncooked) broccoli. The two teen-agers (passed off as kids, no less!) sing about "How we hate you broccoli," making sure to include every negative adjective imaginable short of profanity. Their parents (Skip and Rita) give their approval (Skip waving his fork like a baton and Rita nodding her approval). After Stephen and Bayn are finished, their parents applaud. Rita (presenting an equally filled plate of raw spinach): "Now, will you do your spinach song?" Both Stephen and Bayn look like they're about to vomit (perhaps emulating the audience? See "Goofs and Nitpicks" section below for further commentary).

* Animated short -- "Do you want to buy a broom? Do you want to buy TWO brooms?"

* Animated short -- Rube device, bridging to "ai" discussion.

* "I'm Fishing," a bluesy-feel song by Judy.

* Mad Scientist/Igor skit -- The Mad Scientist straps his lab assistant, Igor, into a chair and tells him he's going to give him a new brain, "created by a human, for a human...or a reasonable facsimilie!" After the Mad Scientist dumps some owl carcasses (for wisdom) and books (representing knowledge) inside the kettle and stirs it up, Igor announces, "So long dumbness, From now on, you can reach me at Smart City!" The Mad Scientist throws the switch; Igor re-emerges, dressed like a nerd (he wears a gaudy-looking suit and glasses with a piece of tape over the bridge). The Mad Scientist celebrates his accomplishment, but not so fast...Igor begins hooting like an owl! "Must have used one too many owls!" concludes the scientist.

* Pandora -- The classic "That was a very nice is!/That was a very nice was!" (seen in the opening titles to 1975-1977 episodes). Pandora enters and expresses her admiration for the "very nice 'is'." But then, several people enter to vandalize the "is." The following actions and Pandora's reactions transpire:

-- Luis dumps garbage over the "is"; Pandora: "That was terrible."
-- Hattie shaves whipped cream; Pandora: "That was horrible!"
-- Skip dumps wet mud (then sticks out his tongue); Pandora: "That was nasty!"

Pandora concludes: "That was a very nice is!"

After a blackout skit, the second half of the skit begins with the "is" having been replaced with a similarly dirtied "was." Pandora entering and expressing horror for the vandalized "was." "That was a very nice was." We then see the same cast members in the previous skit "undoing" the damage (actually reverse-rolled) to the "was." It goes thusly:

-- Luis "undumps" the garbage from the "was"; Pandora: "That was wonderful!"
-- Hattie "unsprays" the shaving cream; Pandora: "That was super nice!"
-- Skip "unslops" the wet mud; Pandora: "That was ultra good!"

Pandora concludes: "That is a very nice is!"

* Skip and Judy are eating dinner at a fine restaurant. Judy asks: "How was your dinner?" All Skip can answer at first is, "It was, it was..." After Judy presses for an answer, Skip finally comments, "It was okay."

* "I Was Young Once Too." Bayn walks through the park, saying hello to fellow Short Circus members Gregg and June (who are playign catch; June has her hair done up). Bayn encounters an elderly man (Jim) sitting on a park bench, and she begins a conversation, which leads into the song, "I Was Young Once Too." Video illustrations depict the young man (Stephen):

-- Riding a unicycle
-- Helping the ice man (Luis) carry a heavy block of ice. The young man promptly drops the ice on the chest of a burglar (Skip?) fleeing a circa-1900 cop (Morgan).
-- As a ladies man, being fawned on by two beautiful women (Melanie and June). Or is he really the ladies man? The young man brushes both off.

Bayn: "Wow! You know something? You're still really something!" The old man gives Bayn a ride home.

Animated short: "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink."

A Very Short Book: "Old King Cole."

Corporate credits (Rita)

---

321 - "Circus #1"

Open (Judy): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' you'll meet Hircus of the (circus)."

Discussed: r-, -ow (long "o" sound only), gr- and -ir/-ur

"Rip 'Rrrr-ing' Along" -- Hattie holds the letter "r" in her hand, points to it and makes the sound "rrrr" (therby demonstrating the letter's sound). Camera pounds down to Luis, who also has said letter in his hand; he, too, points to the "r" and goes "rrrr." The process is repeated with Skip. Paul the Gorilla, who apparently has been watching the proceedings, enters and, after a brief exchange, growls a ferocious "RRRRRR!" Hattie, Luis and Skip all beat it, with Hattie flinging the "r" in the air (and Paul catches it). He then grunts a kinder, gentler, "rrrr."

* Animated segment -- "Room" (which ends "There IS no more room!").

* Soup bowl (from the 1971-1972 season) -- Morgan, as a SCUBA diver, pulls letters out of a restaurant customer's alphabet soup bowl. Using a letter "r" as his base, Morgan forms the words "rat," "rot," "rob," "rub," and "run." After forming the last word, the customer lowers his spoon toward the bowl, and Morgan decides, "Uh-oh, I'd better run!" The spoon stirs the soup when the customer (offscreen voice of Skip) complains, "Hey waiter! You're not going to believe what I just saw!"

* Train yard (another from the 1971-1972 season) -- This time, Morgan is a railyard conductor, with his job to connect train cars in a railyard (obviously a model train yard). Several cars have "R" painted on their right sides, meaning it must be time to form more "r" words -- such as "red," "rip" and "run." Apparently it must be the end of the workday, as Morgan declares in the closing that he's missed his ride!

* Coyote-Road Runner animated short -- Wile E. Coyote is running along the road when he comes across a sign reading, "Road Runner, 1 foot" (with an arrow pointing to the Road Runner). Indeed, there is a "Road Runner, 1 foot"...as in, appearing to literally have one foot. After Wile E. investigates, the Road Runner beeps him, sending the Coyote soaring to an overhanging crevice (and another sign declaring "Road Runner, 50 feet." The Road Runner reveals the sign "good bye" (held by his second foot), then makes his speedy retreat.

* "Randy, I Love You" -- Three young men (Skip, Morgan and Jim) emerge from an inner-city apartment, spot a beautiful young woman wearing a yellow dress and hat, and immediately break into the song, "Randy, I Love You" (Skip singing the lead). At the end, Randy (June) turns to the camera and declares happily, "Ain't life grand?"

* Slow Reader -- "Run!"

* "Mary Mary, Quite Contrary" (from the 1971-1972 season) -- Lee interviews Mary Mary, Quite Contrary (Rita), asking the requisite question, "How does your garden grow?" Upon learning the garden is growing "very slow"ly, Lee asks why. It isn't snow, sayeth Mary Mary, but rather, "the mower!" Enter Skip, who insolently plows through the garden with a push-type power mower.

* "Skip Says" (another from the 1971-1972 season). Skip and Morgan decide to play "Simon Says" (moreso to demonstrate the "ow" sound to the kiddie audience). After a few run-throughs using the words "throw," "blow," "mow" and "row," Skip says, "Simon says, 'grow!'" Which Morgan does...into a giant (using camera tricks, of course). Morgan kneels down, and Skip (about to faint), decides to hightail it out of there.

* "Robin Hood's Aarow" -- Robin Hood (as Luis) declares, "I shot an arrow into the air!" and then goes into a spiel wondering where said arrow went. His answer comes when the arrow falls to the ground...uh, make that, his shoe. "I think I found my arrow," says Robin, grimacing in pain. "Will everyone please leave the forest?" Pan away from Robin, who cries, "OW!"

* "Blind Man's Granny" (from the 1972-1973 season) -- Gregory (Skip) decides to play a blindfolded game wherein he identifies items by touch. In this playing, it's all items starting with "gr-." The following cast members bring in the following items:

-- Rita: Grapes.
-- Morgan -- Grass.
-- Lee -- Gravel.
-- Jim -- Gravy.
-- Luis -- Grease.

And finally, Granny (Judy in old woman's makeup and clothing), who surprises Gregory. Before the reveal, Gregory smears grease over Granny's face. "Hey, you're a mess," Gregory observes.

* "Greedy Greg" -- Greg (Jim) is making conversation during a dinner party, when he is served a large silver-plated bowl of grapes. Greg immediately grabs a bunch and gobbles them up. A disgusted Luis declares, "Greedy!" Hattie, in agreement, adds, "Greedy Greg." Morgan adds, "Greedy Greg grabbed." Rita finishes it off, "Greedy Greg grabbed the green grapes." Cue the music, and Luis, Hattie, Morgan and Rita, cha-cha conga-line style, declare, "Greedy Greg grabbed the green grapes." To canned audience sounds, they cha-cha off stage, with an oblivious Greg still gobbling the grapes.

"Hircus of the Circus" (from the 1972-1973 season) -- A carnival barker (Morgan) promotes his star attraction: A giant strongman (Jim) who can lift a 1,000-lb. weight with ease. The awed cast immediately buys tickets and enters the circus tent. Morgan then sings about "Hircus of the Circus."

"The Loose Tooth" -- A young child named Burt (or rather, an overgrown baby named Burt, played by Luis) complains about having to have his loose tooth pulled using the string-tied-to-the-door trick. "It will 'hurt, Curt!'" cries Burt (the latter two words highlighted for the youthful audience's benefit). A reassuring (but oviously frustrated Curt) tries to tell Burt, "It won't 'hurt, Burt'." Curt tries to close the door, only to have the string fall off at the last moment. Burt doesn't lose his tooth, but thinking he did, the relieved Burt declares, "It didn't 'hurt, Curt!'" (Curt scratches his head, holding the string end).

Corporate credits: Luis.

b: 15-Jan-1974 pc: 3-6

NOTE: Four of the skits/segments included in this show were from the 1971-1972 season (two of them involving Morgan forming "r" words).

--

379 - "Circus #2"

Open (Jim): "Today on 'The Electric Company,' you'll see someone sell tickets to the (circus)."

Discussed: cl, two sounds of 'c,' ea, un-

* "Clang, Clunk, Clatter, Click" -- A young woman (Hattie) is trying to get some sleep in her apartment bedroom, but is kept awake by loud noises. Shutting the window does no good, and bemoans her predicament in the song, "Clang, Clunk, Clatter, Click, Clink, Clank, Clippity-Clop." She eventually determines the only way to make the noises go away is by putting bananas in her ears.

* Onimonipedia -- an animated short featuring various noise words, including beep, ring, ping-pong, boom, flush, pop, bang, splash, crack and click.

* "The Clumsy Salesman" -- It's Mr. Funk's (Luis) first day on the job as a sales associate in a fine china shop. The store owner (Morgan), who is Mr. Funk's boss, reminds him the merchandise in the store is very fragile and that, if he breaks an item, the replacement cost will be deducted from his paycheck. A snobbish rich woman (Rita) comes in requesting to see some of the store's wares. Mr. Funk first shows a Persian vase, but the woman expresses her disdain for what she considers to be a cheap-looking vase and slaps it away. Mr. Funk drops the vase, breaking it. "Clumsy, clumsy. You are so clumsy!" the woman admonishes. The store owner re-enters and tells Mr. Funk $37.40 will be deducted from his next check; Mr. Funk's explanation does no good, and the woman demands to see something else. Mr. Funk shows her a pair of cups and saucers, which the woman equally dislikes, slapping it away and forcing him to drop it. The woman again admonishes, "Clumsy, clumsy. You are so clumsy!" The store owner tells him another $24 will be taken from his next check. Mr. Funk (growing more and more nervous) tries to wise up and quickly conceals a large serving platter from the woman, but she tells him to take it away and makes him drop it. "Clumsy, clumsy. You are SOOOOOO clumsy!" (to the tune of another $137.20). The woman tells the store owner she is sick of looking at what she considers to be cheap merchandise and expects to see something worth her time. Mr. Funk re-enters with a plant, which he promptly drops on her foot. "I am so clumsy!" Mr. Funk replies in a moment of token revenge.

* "Clarence the Cliff-Climber" -- A sports reporter (Morgan) tells viewers of Clarence's (Jim) efforts to scale a snow-covered cliff. Three members of the Short Circus (Melanie, Gregg and Bayn) watch. Morgan: "Clarence is climbing the cliff." Later, it becomes apparent that Clarence is losing his grip and is "clinging" to the cliff. Eventually, Clarence falls on top of the reporter. "Clarence is a clumsy clod!" the angered reporter states.

* Letterman -- "A Jarring Experience"

* "Circus Tickets" -- A carnival barker (Hattie) will give two free tickets to the circus to a man (Skip) if he can guess to what she is selling tickets. Giveaway clues (that the word contains the two sounds of "c") and that this place has trapeze artists, elephants, cotton candy, etc. don't help. The barker offers to sell the man two circus tickets anyway, but he declines. Prompting the barker to call in backup -- Paul the Gorilla, who intimidates the man into buying the whole roll of tickets!

* "You're Nice" -- From the 1972-1973 season. Each cast member, in turn (in order, Skip, Judy, Morgan, Rita, Luis and Lee) tells the person to his/her right "You're nice" and kisses him/her on the cheek. The line ends with Lee telling Paul the Gorilla "You're nice," but a bit reluctant to kiss his cheek. Paul begins to feel bad, and Lee kisses his cheek, prompting the ape to give her a banana.

* "I Love to Take a Bath in a Casket" -- by Count Dracula.

* "The 'ea' Machine" -- A woman (Judy) tries to buy an "ea" from a 25-cent gumball-type machine, but her quarter doesn't work. A cloaked street salesman (Rita) talks the unsuspecting customer into buying an "ea" from her for 50 cents ("25 cents for the machine and 25 cents for the service"). After the woman leaves, the salesman puts a quarter into the gumball machine and gets an "ea." Yup, this machine worked perfectly!

* Monolith -- "ea"

* "Neat" -- Jimmy (Stephen) overhears a conversation between his mother (Rita) and Aunt Libby (Judy), remarking how neat her son's room is -- even though Jimmy's room is quite messy. Jimmy (through fast-motion video) hastily cleans his room. After an exchange and Libby's remarks about how neat he is, Jimmy quickly messes up the room again (again, through fast-motion video). "I like it better this way!" remarks the Short Cirucs member.

* "The Unsoldier" -- Two Army privates are preparing for inspection from their sadistic major, Maj. Time (Morgan), who carries around a riding crop. The one private (Skip) is very neat and befitting of an Army soldier, while Pvt. Mumford (Luis) is dressed sloppily, his bed unmade and otherwise sporting an appearance unbecoming of the Army. That fact is not lost on Maj. Time, who comments "Your shirt is unbuttoned!" and "Your boots are untied! Futhermore, they are unshined!" Pvt. Mumford tries to explain the boots look shiny to him, but it does no good. Maj. Time is equally dismayed by the bed: "Your bed is unmade!"; Pvt. Mumford: "It doesn't look too messy to me!" Walking over to the private's locker (where a bunch of sports equipment fall out), Maj. Time finds, "Your locker is untidy!"; Pvt. Mumford defends himself, saying: "The Army doesn't give me a whole lot of space." Maj. Time is clearly frustrated. "What am I going to do with you? You are unreal!" He also indicates that placing Pvt. Mumford on KP duty (for previous infractions) did no good, since he prepared scalloped prunes for last night's dinner. After a review of the various offenses, Maj. Time states, "In other words, we can safely say you're an un-soldier," to which Pvt. Mumford (nervously, perhaps knowing what's coming) agrees. Maj. Time (softly): Pvt. Mumford?" (gets his attention, then screaming into his ear), "YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!" Pvt. Mumford asks meekly if that means no more marching in the rain and sleeping in the cold, to which Maj. Time says, "That's right!" Missing the point, Mumford happily replies, "I'm going home to Delores!" Meanwhile, Pvt. Skip (who has been watching the proceedings), quickly stands at attention. After Maj. Time praises him on how he's ready for inspection, Skip replies, "Not quite," after which he quickly messes up HIS bed and locker, and unbuttons his shirt to sport a more casual appearance. "All set chief!" Skip says, punching Maj. Time on the arm, hoping, he too, will get a permanent pass home. Maj. Time screams in frustration.

* "Unbutton Your Heart" (Rita and the female members of the Short Circus from 1971-1972).

* Corporate credits -- Skip.

b: 01-Mar-1974 pc: 3-7

NOTE: This show features the longest corporate credits of all 1973-1974 episodes aired on Noggin.

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